BIKEPGH MESSAGE BOARD ARCHIVE

from "Things Republicans Hate"

"People who ride bicycles believe that they’re doing something good for themselves and their environment. The truth is that they cause more harm than good. Liberals think that cycling will help America move

towards something called ‘energy independence’. If they want to conserve energy, they shouldn’t exert the physical force required to ride a bicycle. Republicans take advantage of as much energy intake

and conservation as possible. This often results in excessive calorie consumption and subsequent obesity. Liberals lack the mental ability to make obvious decisions like this.

Riding a bicycle has become fashionable for extreme liberals known as ‘Bohemians’ or ‘Hipsters’. These hipster cyclists can often be seen with their right pant leg rolled up. This fashion statement is the equivalent of a pierced right ear (they’re gay). Hipsters enjoy riding their bikes to useless, liberal arts courses and head shops.

As more liberals have started cycling, bicycle-related accidents have

become more common. Conservatives refuse to cater to the safety and

comfort of bike riders. Republicans enjoy driving large trucks and

SUV’s that cannot spare any space in driving lanes. This makes

getting around cyclists extremely difficult and often results in a

hit-and-run collision. If a wreck is avoided, Republicans will

often speed by while honking and hurling heavy objects towards the

cyclist at fault. Actions like these will hopefully end the rapid

spread of bicycle riding.

People who take cycling too seriously wear unnecessarily tight-fitting

clothes usually made of latex. These outfits are common in an event

known as the ‘Tour de France” which is similar to a large gay pride

parade.. The leader of this parade is often an American named Lance

Armstrong. Mr. Armstrong lives on a strict diet of steroids and

Michelob Ultra (low-calorie queer beer). Armstrong was not a

homosexual when he first visited France, but later converted as a

result of his natural cycling abilities and admiration for French

culture.

Republicans often consider cycling to be an activity that does not

technically count as a sport. Its lack of entertainment value and

skill cannot compare to sports like poker, NASCAR and fishing. City

governments have responded to the cycling craze by creating new taxes

that would require hard-working Americans to fund bike lanes in

certain areas. Taxes and other hardships could be avoided if liberals

gave up cycling like the rest of us (when we were nine-years-old).?"

lol.

http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/